one year

one year ago tomorrow dad moved in.
wow.
i can't believe we all made it. in one piece, none the less!
i have learned so much.
and yet, some days i wish i could be like jack and do this...

he laid down in the middle of the parking lot at home depot.

there are days when i have been so frustrated.
and lately, there have been more frustrating days than relaxed.
my patience level has gone from a ten down to a two...

the other day i looked outside and jack was stomping in a mud puddle, sam and louie were playing hockey (ie fighting) and my dad was just standing there watching them do this, not saying anything, as i cooked dinner after working all day.
i. lost. it.
i didn't care if i was in the front yard. i didn't care that our windows were open. i didn't care.
i yelled. i was so frustrated.

i know why my patience is so short...
it is the end of march...
and yet, it feels so different this year.

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.'

I do not agree.

The wounds remain.

In time, the mind, protecting its sanity,

covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens.

But it is never gone.” 

~Rose Kennedy

i am short tempered.

i am always on the verge of tears.

and i feel like i don't have the words...

that is why i love this rose kennedy quote. it says everything perfectly.

the anticipation of next tuesday is not looming through my every thought as it has in the past.

it creeps in, stays for a few minutes, then flees.

i miss william.

i miss his smile; his laugh.

the way he used to pace whether he was upset or waiting or just happy as a clam. 

and, yesterday night during my walk, i realized that i've forgotten the sound of his voice.

it was a moment. my eyes started watering as i was walking up the hill by the lake in brentwood forest. i got to the top of that hill and felt like i could just sit down and sob.

but instead, i took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and put one foot in front of the other.

yes, this year is different.
and that is okay.

but for tonight, we celebrate bubba with his friends.

louie is having his first friend sleepover!
he told me this afternoon, "mom, i know this is going to be the best birthday EVER!"
so far we've had nerf gun wars, ice cream brownie cake, angry bird creations, and a water fight with the girls...now i'm off to watch the muppets movie with the boys!

yes, this year is different. and i'm very happy about it (and a bit teary eyed too).

---
we visited the history museum yesterday and had a wonderful time.
thought i'd share some pictures...

the kid could barely walk afterward

look at that face!

mr. cool

my guys

jack couldn't walk anymore...