it is a fact of life.
and i have really felt it the past few weeks with my dad.
he has been falling and losing his balance more.
he's had a ton of doctors appointments.
and he has been having these mood swings...
i know part of it is his anxiousness about his colonoscopy this week,
but he's been telling me lots of stories about mom and william.
today, i glanced at him at lunch and he was crying.
he then proceeded to tell me one of his many "annie" stories for another thirty minutes.
sadly, i didn't have the heart to tell him i've heard it a million times before.
then i got to thinking...
as difficult as it was to experience what we did with mom, at times this is so much harder...
some days it's like everything is in slow motion.
maybe the years that mom was sick were like this, but i've forgotten.
we were always so busy; we only stopped when she was really sick or in the hospital.
and she was always so grateful. for everything.
i think that is what frustrates me most about dad...
there are days when he acts like an obnoxious 13 year old,
and no amount of reasoning or sense will penetrate his skull!
and the thought of saying thank you for anything is beyond him.
i am just to that point where everything he does frustrates me.
i know part of it is that i don't feel good...darn poison ivy.
i'm also a bit anxious for his colonoscopy and his other upcoming tests, too.
then today as i was trying to figure out how to connect all of my
various contacts in my new phone,
i realized that i have never deleted william's contact information...
at that moment, i decided i needed a little break...
and when i found this, it made me smile...
everything is different...
life plans change, friendships evolve, kids grow up, parents get older, we get older, too!
but in this moment with anxiousness, frustration, happiness,
and a whole jumble of emotions...
there is nothing i can do but try to
put one foot in front of the other each and every day,
cry when necessary,
and love as much as possible.