i knew who it was and i let it go to voice mail because i was getting ready for the
boys valentine's day parties at school.
i thought about the call all night.
then she called again yesterday morning.
and i knew i had to talk about the call.
the anticipation was awful.
we've all grown used to this crazy household.
i've grown to discover that the best place to talk to the boys is in the car.
there is no escape.
you can control the music and for some reason they just keep talking. i seem to get the most information about their day and their friends when we're just driving around.
so, i decided to try the same strategy with dad.
when we were in the car yesterday morning on the way to his bank to cash a check,
i told him...
the va nursing home called. they have a bed for you.
i let him talk it out for a while...then he asked me, "what do you think i should do?"
and that's when i shot myself in the foot, instead of running away.
i said that i think he should turn the offer down. he should stay with us.
and that little voice in my head was screaming, "what are you saying? do you hear yourself?"
but my heart was saying, "he will go there to die. maybe not today, but sooner than he is supposed to... and i'm not ready for that."
besides, dad can't leave now, he's beginning to experience his
first "magee construction project"
a.k.a. remodeling our bathroom.
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| our yellow and blue bathroom circa 1970s |
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| tom decided it was a great idea to let jack start demolition |
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| where our shower used to be |
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| there was hay and paper in the soffit as insulation above our shower! |
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| tom decided to sledge hammer the tub to take it out and back swung into the toilet |
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| concrete and gravel subfloor = awesomeness! |
dust will travel anywhere, despite your best efforts to contain it.
jack without a nap, is a bear by 6:30pm.
dad can go up and down the basement steps to use our downstairs bathroom.
a bathtub makes for a unique yard decoration...tom was wanting to start up the prank wars of a few years ago, but i told him we didn't have time for it...i would like a shower in our bathroom first!
wet wipes are one of the greatest inventions...ever!
your heart will always trump what your head tells you.
Your heart is huge, Lisa. I believe that people don't live their fullest when put into nursing homes. I think your heart "winning" this one was a great victory. Can't wait to see pictures of the finished bathroom!
ReplyDeleteLisa I am struggling with some of the same things right now. Dad doesn't and couldn't live with me, even if I wanted him too. I just can't provide for him what he needs. The time is coming though that he will have to make a choice (or I will have to make it for him) and I don't know what I will say. I've thought of you often over the last several months and wonder if I would be as strong as you are. The heart is a strong motivator but it can also be an obstacle to determining what is in the best of our loved ones. If I was the only person left to care for my dad and I had to choose letting him live with me or finding a "place" I would want him to be with me. But realisticly, I would probably do him more harm than good because I'm not qualified to provide the level of care he needs. If you can provide what your dad needs, then it isn't time yet. My prayers go out to you and your family. This is never an easy process.
ReplyDeleteOn a less serious note, good luck on the remodel. I'm sure it will be great!