little wonders

yes, i listen to a wide variety of music.
it is a fact that in the span of an hour... i can listen to rob thomas, taylor swift, lady gaga, tim mcgraw, adele, the glee cast, matchbox twenty, colbie caillat, the black eyed peas, and meatloaf...

it's 7am and i'm baking dad's birthday cake when little wonders by rob thomas came on at the perfect time....gotta love pandora....they SOOOOOO get me!

i was standing in the kitchen crying.
i was the only one up.
and it was as if that song was playing just for me.
i don't know if it's because i'm going on very little sleep from a crazy weekend.
or if it's the roller coaster of emotions from last week.
or that i can't believe that dad made it to 65!

but, those little wonders...
you can't change life.
sometimes you just have to go with it.
you don't get to pick your family; they pick you.
and it's what you do with it that makes the difference.
i see that now.

there was a time when i didn't talk to my dad. i didn't see him.
and for me, and where i was in life (and where he was) it was what was best...easiest.
and then, one new year's eve five years ago...i saw him walking and it was cold.
i did it.
i pulled the car over and asked him if he needed a ride.

i think that at that moment i was ready.

i could try to deal with all of the "stuff" that is my dad.

i had no idea what was to come...

i guess it's those little wonders that make a big difference.

those moments, when you're in the middle of them,
they don't seem like a big deal, but when you look back,
they change everything...like the slight tap of the first domino,
you can't believe you hit it, but when you sit back and watch them fall...
that feeling. that wonder.
it's worth it.
and when it's over, when the last domino falls,
you build it up again.
because it's worth the work.
it's worth it every single time.


happy birthday, dad.