darn you, sarah mclachlan

sometimes in life there are no answers. especially for the "big" questions, like "why did this happen?"

the past week has been rough and full of those "big" questions. i have been on the verge of tears since thursday. i had a difficult meeting at school about sam. work has been crazy busy. dad hasn't been feeling good. my allergies started acting up. and to top it off, my grandma passed away.

then today, i was running errands with jack when "angel" by sarah mclachlan came on. that was it. everything i had been holding together fell apart. the tears came. i'm not talking about a simple tear rolling down the cheek cry, it was one of those ugly cries that makes your face all blotchy and red for an hour afterward.

so, darn you, sarah mclachlan!

i do feel a little better now.

i am still sad.

but, i am also still so angry.

i'm angry that i didn't know in time to hold her hand one last time.

i'm angry that i didn't get to say goodbye.

i feel that families always have their own crazy associated with each and every one. different families have their own unique ways of covering up the craziness. however, it creeps back out at the most inopportune times...weddings, births, graduations, and deaths.

so, for now, i must celebrate the life of my grandma dolores through recipes, the scent of chantilly perfume and happy memories. i smell baked beans in our very near future...

this is just an ever faithful reminder to tell the ones you love each and every day how you feel about them, because you never know when it will be the last time.

♥

"you're in the arms of the angel

may you find some comfort here"

- sarah mclachlan